jumpstarting a life with a little spark to the head

Apparently Fridays are happenin’ days for ECT. There seemed to be a lot of people here to have ECT at Parthenon Pavilion last Friday.  When I was making my way up to the ECT treatment area, there was another person, along with who seemed to be her husband,  in the elevator headed to the same location. It looked like someone had robbed her of her spirit; she looked really depressed.

Since we arrived at the same time, we got ready at the same time (e.g. putting the gown over our clothing, getting our vitals checked, using the bathroom so we don’t urinate on ourselves during the little spark) and were led to our beds, right next to each other, in the treatment room. It so happened that we had the same ECT psychiatrist, so he could treat us one right after the other. She got to go first. As Dr. F talked to “Allison,” I could hear them talking about how this was going to be her last ECT treatment. I can’t really recall what all they talked about, but what I remember hearing in the end was my doctor just telling her, “Good luck.”

Then, she received her last shock.

Good luck? That’s all she gets? I’m not a doctor and don’t know how this all goes, but she did not look good enough to me to stop treatment now. It was obvious to me that the husband was really concerned for her and was coming up to the prep area to ask some questions to the nurse about the aftercare. But she looked like she really needed to be cared for at this moment. She’s one of the more outwardly depressed people I’ve seen in that place. I just kept wondering how many treatments she had been through and pretty much forgot what I needed to tell Dr. F when it came my turn to speak to him. It was an awkward conversation, in that he received reports from my psychiatrist that I was doing pretty well —which is true, except I haven’t seen her in the last three weeks when I haven’t been doing all that well (which is apparently what happens when one becomes inconsistent with the meds). I forgot to tell him that part, and I don’t quite remember what I did tell him. Dr. F did ask me if I celebrated Christmas and then told me that I’ll see him again in a few weeks.

It’s been a few days since my last appointment, but I keep thinking about Allison. I really hope she is doing okay.

The Associated Press: Targacept, AstraZeneca cooperate on depression med.

Under terms of the agreement, AstraZeneca will pay Targacept $200 million upfront upon effectiveness of TC-5214, Targacept’s late-stage investigational treatment for major depressive disorder. TC-5214 is a nicotinic channel blocker that is thought to treat depression by acting on neuronal nicotinic receptors, or NNRs, according to Targacept. Targacept says NNRs are found on nerve cells throughout the nervous system and regulate nervous system activity. The companies plan to test the drug in a large-scale pivotal trial next year and aim to seek approval from the Food and Drug Administration in 2012.

The companies want to market TC-5214 to patients who are not successfully treated by the most common type of depression drugs, which are called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

Antidepressant Found to Alter Personality – US News and World Report.

In this month’s Archives of General Psychiatry, Northwestern psychologist Tony Tang says that the antidepressant medication paroxetine, or Paxil, fights depression most effectively when it first modifies two personality traits, high neuroticism and low extraversion, that predispose people to this mood disorder.

“We propose that modern antidepressants work partly by correcting the long-term personality risk factors for depression,” Tang says.

Have I really had 24 ECT treatments? I was originally supposed to have 6 to 12…

Dr. F, my ECT psychiatrist, asked me today how I’d been feeling the last few weeks. I admitted that it’s not been the smoothest of weeks. My place is a mess, and I just haven’t felt like I’d like to feel. But I thought about how I was doing last December. Around a year ago this time, I was struggling to stop thinking about suicide and had every intention to not be alive by coming February. Even as I was planning to have ECT the following month, I wasn’t sure if I could wait another few weeks without harming myself. I just wanted my life to be over.

It’s now been a full year and 24 electroconvulsive therapy later, I’m still standing. It’s a strange feeling to realize that the year that I thought I wouldn’t have is soon coming to a close.

I certainly wouldn’t have made it to this point without the ECT itself, but I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the staff at Parthenon Pavilion. The ECT psychiatrist is ultimately the one giving you the treatment that’s helping you, but those nurses and staff around you are certainly an important part of the treatment. They talk to me before and after ECT and make sure that I’m doing okay. They remind me about things like where I go to school, what date it is, or the fact that I took my cat to a hospital when I don’t remember these things after wake up out of the anesthesia.Thanks to them, this experience has been a smooth one.

On a similiar note, one of the nurses told me today that she’s seen a big change in me since she first met me in January. I’m so glad that’s what I got to hear as my full year of ECT has come to a close.

if the above doesn’t work, here’s the link.

It’s the middle of the night, and rain has begun to fall. I’m driving back from school, which is a 45 minute drive from my home.  I’ve spent much of the last few days awake in trying to write a paper that I should have been working on the entire semester. In between the writing, I have also been at work. Needless to say, I’m a little tired.

In order to keep me awake during the drive home, I usually listen to my own CDs, but last night, I left the radio playing on the public radio station, which plays classical music throughout the night. As I began to make my way on the interstate, a song began to play that I had remembered from my days in a choir: John Rutter’s What Sweeter Music.

It’s a Christmas carol, if one could call it that (I feel like it brings it down to the level of ‘Jingle Bells’ or something). As I listened, the absolute beauty of this song seemed to envelop me in some warmth in this cold night. Each chord following one another is just so perfectly placed. The words to this carol are obviously religious, but I was still moved by the sheer grace of this composition.

I’ve had little time to take a pause lately, but in hearing this song, I felt renewed. Though there are still hours of work left to be done, that moment in my car gave me a gentle reminder that, in the midst of all this, I’m doing okay.

I hope you will take a moment to listen to the link above.