Finding a little spark

It sure took a while for me to pick a simple web-journal name that doesn’t sound so, well, depressing. I actually liked “the last option,” because that’s kind of what it is (Having trying 20+ different meds should count as having tried a lot of options). But I suppose the ECT is not just the last option but it could be the first time in a long time to actually feel alive, which by the way, I can’t really recall what it’s like to not want to die all the time.

So, I thought “a little spark” is appropriate in several ways, first of which is that it makes ECT sound kind of magical, rather than “you’re going to have a grand mal seizure and will experience some memory loss.” Second, a spark often starts something, like a sparkplug, or a spark that will give one a brilliant idea.  It’s that little spark that I guess I need in order to get a new life, and my little spark that’ll give me that life is actually going to come by means of a little spark (or at least 6 to 12 of them) in my head. Sounds a bit cutesy, and I’m not sure I quite believe what I’m writing. But just because I don’t believe it doesn’t mean I don’t want to believe it.

Btw, after I picked my little journal name, I found that there is a quote by Dante with that phrase: “From a little spark bursts a mighty flame.” And though I write in this tone in my personal, paper-form journal, this exercise in writing on the web feels ridiculously self-indulgent.

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