For the first time, I got nervous just before the anesthesiologist administered the anesthetic. Before I could utter a word, I was awake only to find yet again that I still felt that ambiguous sense of fear.  All the other times have been so easy, but easy isn’t the desired result.   I realized what I felt was doubt. I was no longer worried about memory loss or other side effects; I am now worried about one thing: What if it doesn’t work?

It is a bit premature to start fretting, but I have now finished treatment #5 and will be done with #6 by the end of the week. According to the American Psychiatric Association, the reassessment should be done between #6 – #11. While I still have a few more sessions to go, there are only so many treatments left. More thoughts forthcoming.


One Comment to “doubt”

  1. Hope all goes well for you Ayumi! you are in my prayers.

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