doubt

For the first time, I got nervous just before the anesthesiologist administered the anesthetic. Before I could utter a word, I was awake only to find yet again that I still felt that ambiguous sense of fear.  All the other times have been so easy, but easy isn’t the desired result.   I realized what I felt was doubt. I was no longer worried about memory loss or other side effects; I am now worried about one thing: What if it doesn’t work?

It is a bit premature to start fretting, but I have now finished treatment #5 and will be done with #6 by the end of the week. According to the American Psychiatric Association, the reassessment should be done between #6 – #11. While I still have a few more sessions to go, there are only so many treatments left. More thoughts forthcoming.

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One Comment to “doubt”

  1. Hope all goes well for you Ayumi! you are in my prayers.

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