on to the 12th round

Welcome to the 11th round of ECT….and not yet over. I think Dr. J. thought we could be done by the 10th round, but now 12th round is a sure deal. It’s odd to have people about my age observe my ECT. I guess they have to learn somehow, but it is a bit creepy. They’re getting to see stuff I’ve never seen!

I can’t quite tell if I feel immensely better, though watching Countdown with Keith Olbermann kept my interest, as did Margaret Carlson, a Bloomberg columnist.  The main question I have to ask myself is,  How do I know if I’m back to my old self? I found myself laughing out loud during President Obama’s speech he was giving in Illinois (something about secretary of commerce). My mother thinks I look really sad, which I partly disagree. I think I would look a bit tired if I were put through some flashes of light that causes a grand mal seizure. I think I should just be glad much of my language skills are still intact.

Dr. J. told me that he doesn’t remember diagnosing me with bipolar II disorder five years ago. I decided to leaf through an older journal, and I never quite knew how in despair I was at the time. I can’t find the main set of papers from when I was diagnosed, but I’ve written down the chain of events that would clear things up for him.

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One Comment to “on to the 12th round”

  1. I journal often and for extended periods of time. I just cannot revisit those journals. The depth of the misery and of the despair is harrowing.

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