Dear Sister

How is it that I am so open on the blogosphere but can’t be pried open in person? I am like a stubborn clam shell, nearly impossible for anyone to just pull those shells apart to get a glimpse of the insides. This is how I am, especially with my family. I suppose it’s not as if everyone else in my family is an open book and I’m the exception. Much of this is a learned behavior. But regardless, I really don’t know how to communicate the simplest emotions. That inability makes it tough when people have to judge my progress based on what I say about how I’m feeling.

Since the maintenance ECT has started, it’s been my little sister who has been accompanying me to all the treatments – having to drive me to the hospital, wait around and then take me back home. This responsibility is something I wish I never had to ask my sister to do. But she has been there for me, having to miss her classes just so I can make it to these sessions.  Though I record my thoughts on this journal after each treatment, I have never discussed with her how things are really going. Needless to say, she doesn’t know about this little blog.

While words don’t seem to come out of my mouth easily, over the years I have developed  a way to be able to write down those words to express my thoughts and emotions. I’m not willing to share the existence of this journal with her, but I’ve come to realize that it is my responsibility to share some thoughts with the person that is having to take care of me.  So, my psychiatrist and I have decided that it’s best that I begin writing to my sister and let her know what’s going on and how I feel. That’s my assignment for the week: to write her a letter.

I can’t say to her everything in a single letter, but at least the first one will allow me to tell her just how grateful I am for her support and how much I admire her spirit. This is the least I can do, and I owe her at least this much.


One Comment to “Dear Sister”

  1. You’re incredibly lucky to have a sister like that, and even more so to realize what a precious gift she is giving you, her time and support. My sister has not spoken to me since she found out I was starting ECT. So if it ever feels like the right moment to you, thank your sister for me, too.

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