Blues’ Clues

“The word ‘happiness’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” -Carl Jung

It’s been a while since I’ve written what’s been going on. Other than some personal pictures, most posts have been about some article or an event. I suppose that’s perfectly fine, but I feel I need to type something about my own life, since this is, first and foremost, meant to be a journal. So, between school, work and the rest, it’s been an uneventful week. I’ve been working fairly hard (but not hard enough) on trying to pick a thesis topic.

But mostly, I’ve been sad.

I don’t exactly know why, and I’m not quite sure there is a clear answer for this mood. But I can actually recognize that the sadness I feel isn’t depression. Though my mood is down, I have been able to get out of bed in the morning and accomplish what I need to do, like going to work or school (The fact that my house isn’t too clean has more to do with laziness than feeling low). I don’t feel like I’m wading in a sea of molasses. And perhaps the biggest difference, the thought of death hasn’t come over me, and I haven’t considered suicide. (Before I decided that it was indeed just sadness, I did look up some articles that differentiated between sadness and depression. )

In this sadness, I realized that I can have emotions that are not tied as a symptom of an illness. Just a genuine emotion. I think I’m getting back to learning to be a whole human being again.

________
A complete side note: I’m glad those “darling clementines” are back in season, though they remind me of that Elliot Smith song. And I bought some crystallized ginger for the first time. They’re strangely delicious.

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2 Comments to “Blues’ Clues”

  1. navigating all the colours of the emotional and neurological rainbows is quite a journey, isn’t it? i remember a few years ago when i stood on my hind legs and insisted that i was in the throes of burnout, not depressed, as a doctor said. feeling secure in being able to tell the difference between the two felt empowering (even though having to oppose the doctor was not easy at such a vulnerable time). do you, by any chance, have a similar feeling of empowerment as you can tell the difference between feeling sad and being in a depression?

  2. Isabella,
    Thank you for the comment. Yes, though I felt sad, I still could feel that sense of empowerment as I recognized that difference. I’ve at times been afraid that I had lost that capability to tell when my mood is genuine rather than one stemming from an illness, but this moment made me realize that it hasn’t gone away.

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