Concerning Concerta

An unfinished paper stares at me in the face, but I can’t seem to get it done. All I need to do is read what I’ve already written and revise it. That’s all. But I very well know my limit of attention span, and I’ve reached my limit. I don’t really have any left to give. I can’t focus. Of course, I love that while I can’t accomplish what I need to be doing, I have enough concentration to write a journal post…

I take Concerta in the morning so that I don’t choose to go hide in bed during the day. Concerta is a psychostimulant indicated in the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, but it was not prescribed to me for an issue with concentration (off-label uses do include depression). But I do know that people do take these to help them with those problems. I have a handful of Concerta left in my medicine stock. Should I take one now to get me through for an extra few hours tonight? I know I shouldn’t do something like this; this is technically abuse.

Here’s the added dilemma. In the past, I’ve stayed up late at night to study, but I know it’s critical that I keep my sleep cycle consistent (lack of sleep quite often leads to cycling or hypomania). By taking Concerta I would be allowing myself to stay up later and thus screw up my sleep schedule. I’ve known that I have bipolar disorder for a few years now and that it’s really not a good idea for me to get to bed at 2am. I’ve also known about this exam for two weeks. By this point, I should know to space out my studying to accommodate my illness.

So, here I am at my dining table with my study materials sprawled out, facing the reality that I’ve placed myself in. This is such a dumb move on my part. Time ticks away as I still ponder, should I take that Concerta? Now I’m just wasting time thinking about this while I keep losing little time I have left to work on this paper.

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