I use a mirror daily when I put on make-up or to see if my pants matches with my shirt. Recently, I’ve become interested in that reflection. Perhaps it’s because my friend commented that the ‘self portrait‘ I posted the other day wasn’t much of one. Though I had fun trying take pictures of my shadows, his comment made me realize that I cannot be represented by just a shadow of myself, literally and figuratively.
I began to notice that my reflection is actually everywhere, in the bathroom, on the car window, on the shiny surface of a table. So I decided the other day to actually study that figure–that person looking back at me.
This is me.
It feels kind of odd to post this picture (and I realize it’s not the greatest pic, but it’ll do for now). I’ve identified myself in this journal mainly as a girl with bipolar disorder who’s been going through electroconvulsive therapy. But looking at this image showed me that I am indeed more than just a shadow, and that I’m not defined simply by my illness or the ECT. In fact, I realized that what I see is that the woman in the mirror is a person. That sounds so obvious, but for me, I had pretty much forgotten that what I am is a whole, breathing human being. Before, I felt as if I was merely existing. This picture of myself reminded me that there is a person that’s more than just a reflection. At the end of the day, she is the one I must confront, care and comfort.
Tomorrow morning when I see her in the mirror, maybe I’ll do more than just throw powder on that face. Maybe I can tell her how glad I am to see her still standing.