ECT #24 (my ninth maintenance treatment)

Have I really had 24 ECT treatments? I was originally supposed to have 6 to 12…

Dr. F, my ECT psychiatrist, asked me today how I’d been feeling the last few weeks. I admitted that it’s not been the smoothest of weeks. My place is a mess, and I just haven’t felt like I’d like to feel. But I thought about how I was doing last December. Around a year ago this time, I was struggling to stop thinking about suicide and had every intention to not be alive by coming February. Even as I was planning to have ECT the following month, I wasn’t sure if I could wait another few weeks without harming myself. I just wanted my life to be over.

It’s now been a full year and 24 electroconvulsive therapy later, I’m still standing. It’s a strange feeling to realize that the year that I thought I wouldn’t have is soon coming to a close.

I certainly wouldn’t have made it to this point without the ECT itself, but I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the staff at Parthenon Pavilion. The ECT psychiatrist is ultimately the one giving you the treatment that’s helping you, but those nurses and staff around you are certainly an important part of the treatment. They talk to me before and after ECT and make sure that I’m doing okay. They remind me about things like where I go to school, what date it is, or the fact that I took my cat to a hospital when I don’t remember these things after wake up out of the anesthesia.Thanks to them, this experience has been a smooth one.

On a similiar note, one of the nurses told me today that she’s seen a big change in me since she first met me in January. I’m so glad that’s what I got to hear as my full year of ECT has come to a close.

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