It’s February. It’s technically a short month, but for me, it’s a month I could do without.Dr. A likened this month for me as kind of like my “9/11.” I suppose that’s true. My first suicide attempt was in February. I can still recall that day, and the fear I felt being inside a psychiatric hospital for the first time. Every time February rolls around, I just think back to those moments and feel as if I am going to be taken back to that psychiatric hospital.
I am scared. I don’t know how this month is going to go. I can already feel the weight of having to go through this month. Will I crumble simply from this imagined fear that I have?
I do wonder if I will handle things differently since this is the first time since having ECT that I will be living through these 28 days. But I realize I cannot rely on that. It’s my responsibility to make this month go as smoothly. And the thing is, I have lived through several Februarys, and I’m still here. “This, too, shall pass,” someone said to me once. So, I have to remember that I can make through it again, onto March.