“sometimes, not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world.” -Tyra Banks
I came home from work and happen to catch an episode of “America’s Next Top Model” when I heard Tyra say those words (Yes, I do love those reruns). That statement immediately got me thinking about what I discussed during my therapy session with Dr. L, my EMDR therapist.
I’ve always felt like I can’t connect with people, like there’s some barrier between me and everyone else. I watch people form relationships–from friendships to courtships–but I feel just out of reach of all of them.
But maybe it’s not so much that people are out of reach, but that I keep myself out of reach from others. Whenever I get even remotely close to someone, I pull back, sometimes so far back that I sever any sort of relationship. I’ve done that with some very good friendships that I had developed. I tense up just thinking about having to open up.
What is it that I’m trying to control? What am I so afraid of?