drug negotiations

So, right before my ECT yesterday, I asked Dr. F if he could reduce my medication dosage. He looked over the list, and said, “I don’t think you’re taking that much.” I did know that I was asking the wrong person about this (my usual psychiatrist takes care of the meds), but I really wanted anyone of some authority to lower the med intake.

I’m actually not even sure this is what I want for myself. Am I simply asking for this because my parent want it? I do understand why my parents may think I should be taking less drugs. Having ECT can lead to less medication, but in my case, it hasn’t changed. In fact, I think I’m taking more (only because my doc added something when I became depressed before the maintenance portion started). But is the amount of drugs I’m taking what matters, or how I’m doing that matters? My parents have been financially supportive of all the treatments, but I wish they could understand what an emotional bind it puts me in when they tell me I should be taking less drugs.

I guess I also just need to let go of those feelings and realize for myself that even if the finances for the treatments may be coming from someone else, it is still my life, and if these drugs and other treatments help me in being okay, that’s what really matters.

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