“Overcome writer’s block with Plinky prompts,” said the blog alert I got from WordPress just yesterday. I was intrigued, because honestly, I’ve been having a hard time posting my own words lately. It’s not that there’s been nothing going on in my life. For example, I had a very emotional session last week during therapy with Dr. L. Somehow, I feel the hesitation to write my real thoughts out in my fingertips. The hands just seem to come to a halt or find itself pressing the backspace button to erase whatever I had written out. But my head hasn’t stopped thinking about what I wanted to write about all last week. So, here it goes…
I’m familiar with suicide. I’ve talked about it on several posts in the past. So, when the topic of suicide among the elderly came up in class the other day, I thought I’d be fine about it. The facts on suicide and the elderly were really interesting, and I was just intellectually intrigued, but not emotionally stirred. However, we also talked about when suicide sometimes becomes a ‘rational choice’ for older people, rather than something caused by some mental illness. I began asking myself, ‘can’t young people commit ‘rational choice’ suicide, too, if the elderly can do it?’
I immediately grew frightened by my thoughts. After all this time, do I still find suicide to be a feasible option for me? While I can usually write openly about these thoughts in this journal, I hesitated to write anything about it because I think the topic of suicide isn’t something that’s discussed honestly…and when it is, I didn’t want people to mistake my thoughts as a sign that I’m suicidal or something. I think I really just want to talk about the topic of suicide with someone, and not just with my therapist.
So, it’s now the following week and the class has moved on to talking about the elderly and dementia, but I seem to be stuck on thinking about last week’s topic.
If I write any more about this topic, I know I’ll start tearing up, which is not a good thing since I have get ready to attend a wedding in Bowling Green, Ky., today. Any thoughts?