a possible slow digression back to depression? Maybe, maybe not. But I’ve kind of ‘forgotten’ to take Abilify for the last week or so, and in that week, I’ve become increasingly tired. Am I just tired or is something wrong with me? The problem with having a diagnosed mental illness is that sometimes, you can’t really tell what’s just a normal emotional state. When I cry over something, I’m having to wonder whether it’s just a normal reaction or if I’m getting depressed.
This is one of those moments. I feel a sense of uneasiness, perhaps because I shouldn’t have stopped taking one of the meds in the first place, but also because I don’t know what to make of how I’m feeling. This becomes a bit of a problem this week because when I have ECT in a few days, my doctor is sure to ask me how I’ve been feeling –and if I tell the truth, there’s always that chance that I’m going to get told that I’ll have to have ECT more often. Maybe this tiring feeling is coming on because the ECT is wearing out since the last time I had it.
Maybe I’m just tired and I’m just worried over no reason.
This experience still makes me ask myself: What emotions are controlled by meds, and what are controlled solely by me? Can I separate those two things anymore?