ECT #32: (my 17th maintenance treatment)

How many is too many, I ask myself.

While I’ve visited the hospital 32 times, I’ve technically had 33 treatments.Once they gave me two little sparks during one appointment, because the duration of the first one was too short. Anyway. ..

I can’t really tell if I’m that depressed right now or not. My home is horrifically messy, and that usually means that I’ve fallen into depression. But I kind of think this is just my being lazy. Also, my psychotherapist, who sees me every week, thinks that I’ve been doing much better in the last five months that she’s known me.  I’ve been having ECT every four weeks, but I persuaded Dr. F today that I don’t need to have one for another six weeks. Was this a good decision on my (and his) part? I will know if I start to slip back into the darkness after the next four weeks pass.

I tend to forget why this treatment is called “maintenance ECT.” It’s all about maintaining. Really, I shouldn’t be falling into a depressed state since the procedure is supposed to maintain me from doing so. As for the number of treatments, according to books like Dr. Max Fink’s ‘Electroconvulsive Therapy‘ or from the info gathered by journalist Larry Tye, who co-wrote “Shock” with Kitty Dukakis, there seems to be no negative effects from long-term maintenance ECT. And it doesn’t specify any limit. So, I guess it’s okay that there seems to be no end-date for my having ECT.

As my horoscope tells me today, “Work with the flow instead of pushing against it.”

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