solving for the dependent variable

I must address a bad habit that I have. Zolpidem Tartrate AKA Ambien has been prescribed to me for a long time now. Lately, I’ve been using more than just one to go to sleep. Therefore, I’ve run out of these pills, well over a week before I can call in for a renewal. So I went out to the grocery store and bought the store-brand, maximum-strength sleep aids. I first took just one of these lovely, turquoise colored pills, as directed by the instructions on the bottle. But after a while, I popped one, and then another, and another. It’s now been several hours, and I can’t feel any affect. As 2 am rolled around, I scourged about the old prescription bottles, hoping to find a stray Ambien somewhere…anywhere.

I finally found one and swallowed the pill as if it were some magic potion. Now, I am just waiting for it to take over my body and mind. While the Ambien is starting to numb my senses, I am well aware that what I just did is incredibly bad. I’ve been neglecting to put any effort on my part to the process of going to sleep and instead allowing for these prescription drugs to do all the work. I think I’ve come to a point where I need realize that I am being constantly dependent on a drug where there doesn’t need to be such dependence. Sure, everyone goes through those spells of not being able to fall asleep, and then resorting to sleep aids. But I’ve crossed that line of ‘as needed’ usage.

I need to do some work on putting myself to sleep and not expect for the Ambien (or whatever other sleep-aid-of-the-day) to take full responsibility of that task. Yes, these and other medications are important in helping us function, but sometimes, we give too much credit to these meds and have forgotten to do our share of the work, starting with the fact that not everything that we feel or do happens because of the drug. Though it’s easier said than done, we need to take ownership of our own body.

In the coming months, I need to relearn that bed time does not have to be initiated by the imbibing of random pills.

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3 Comments to “solving for the dependent variable”

  1. Glad to hear that you recognize it as an issue. You’re right though, prescription sleep aids can be necessary. I hope you can find a good balance. Great post.

  2. It’s not easy. I know and I wonder if I’ve crossed the line, too. I don’t know much about Ambien. I’ve heard of it. I take 2mg of Clonazepam to sleep and sometimes have taken 4mg. It’s so hard to “turn off” my brain at night. I listen to (may sound cheesy, but it helps) a cd of music meant to induce sleep. However, if I wake in the night-I can’t get back to sleep. My physical tolerance is high for the clonazepam-I’ve taken it for years. But, it sounds like you know what you need to do. I may need to work harder too. Great post!

  3. Trish, I do recognize it as a problem, but I don’t think I really know what I need to do. And I can write about how I need to stop depending on them, but talking about it is much, much easier than actually doing it. We’ll see if I can really commit to getting off Ambien………

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