rooted in sadness?

The entire day felt blanketed by an ominous air of sadness today. Even the trees that reached their branches in the sky looked gloomy, so much so that I snapped this picture on the phone this afternoon as I was walking out of the library. It rained a little bit, but the rest of time, the day was gray, a tone of that color which had not a hint of warmth to it.

Perhaps the entire surrounding led me to feel like I’m on a downturn, so it’s really nothing to be concerned about. But looking at this tree made me wonder if my depression stems from something that is a part of me, something that I cannot get rid of. I have received all sorts of treatments, but can an illness that’s embedded to myself actually be controlled?   Regardless of what I do to try to be rid of it, I feel like the sadness will somehow find a way to exist–like how looking at this tree can evoke that emotion, as if this darkness is in the personality of that tree. I feel like I’m fighting something that will never go away.

But then again, if I took this picture of this tree again at any other time (like when the day is all sunny and blue), I probably would have described the tree to be displaying vibrance and a sense of joy. If that’s the case, can we ever really ascribe a ‘true identity’ for anyone? Do we all have some sort of an identity, or a character, we’re born with, or do we start out as blank canvases?


One Comment to “rooted in sadness?”

  1. I see no joy in that tree. In fact, this time of year it is much more difficult for me to see joy in the world’s surroundings.

    I have, at many time, felt the way you express. It can be hard not to.

    Let’s wait out the gray for the sunshine to return.

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