fear of losing

The red scarf around my neck is soaked.

This morning, Elizabeth Edwards passed away at the age of 61 of cancer. When the news hit late this afternoon, I was shaken. Yes, this was an ‘expected’ death, but I was still saddened by the loss.

Then, I began to cry, and I haven’t been able to stop. Elizabeth Edwards’ story just hit a little too close to home.  My mother is currently 61-years-old, and she underwent treatment a few years ago for a stage III colon cancer. I believe her latest tests have come back clean thus far, but she occasionally makes comments about her speculation that she wouldn’t live much longer. I suppose no one is ever ready to lose a parent, and I am certainly not ready to lose her. Not right now. This fear has overwhelmed me, and the tears have been streaming for several hours now. I want to call my mother, but I’m afraid I’ll start to break down even further.

In the hours when I need to be working on some really important tasks, I have come to a complete halt. All I can do is read obituary after obituary of Edwards and just cry.


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