scene change

written 12.24.10

All the days seem to run together. I can’t remember when I did what in the last few weeks. Now, it’s Christmas Eve, at least according to the calendar. Where did the time go?

I thought I should take a little holiday gift over to the ECT staff, so I dropped by the psychiatric hospital on Thursday (It really does seem odd to me that I just dropped by such a place….). They let me up to the treatment room so I could go say hi to the nurse that has known me for the last two years. Since I brought something for Dr. F, my ECT psychiatrist, she called him over to come get the gift. When he came over to the room, he gave me a hug and asked me how I was doing. All I really wanted to do was just cry and tell him just how bad I`ve really felt this December. But I didn`t. I just told him that I was doing okay and handed him a little gift. Later, when I was leaving to get on the elevator, I ran into him, and he gave me a little nudge on the shoulder and a smile. Perhaps he knew from my demeanor that I wasn`t telling him the truth.

Now, I am on a plane headed to Japan. From Seattle, it`s about a 11-hour flight, so by the time my sister and I get there, it`ll be late afternoon on Christmas Day in Japan. I haven`t really thought much about this trip since I haven`t bothered to think much about anything lately. However, now that I am on the way, I am starting to think that maybe this little change in scenery would do me some good. At least it better, because I don`t know how much longer of this feeling I can really take. As much as I hate leaving my cat by himself (I did hire a professional cat sitter to come check on him for the duration of the trip), but it would not be a good thing to welcome the new year feeling like I couldn`t care less. I guess this trip is already doing me some good, I suppose, since it`s actually making me write something.

Anyway, I hope the next two weeks will revive me from whatever`this` is.


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