They say that silence is golden. Well, if silence is really made of gold, then that may be why all that silence that I keep is weighing heavily on my mind. People use lies to disguise what’s truly going on, but I’ve often come to use silence as my method of disguise. For example, I never told my parents that I had ‘gone public’ with my eperiences with ECT (and the rest of my life). While I wanted to tell them, I never told them that I presented a paper on this topic at an academic conference this past October. I know that there isn’t any obligation for me to tell my parents about any of this, but I think a part of me does want them to know that I’m making something of these experiences. While silence could be golden, I also remembered that saying from a Simon and Garfunkel song that goes ‘silence like a cancer grows.’ And perhaps that’s what my silence has become.
So, in the morning after breakfast, mom and I were just doing something at the dining table, and I just brought that stuff up having talked about my ECT experiences to others (Note: I am not ready to say anything about having kept a blog). I know this isn’t much of anything, but telling even such small nugget of truth did take some weight off. Mother was actually supportive and thought that I should write about the experience some more (albeit in some fictionesque format that doesn’t completely make clear that I indeed had these things happen in my life). Little does she know I’ve been posting stuff for over two years now….Anyway…..