weighty matter

I’ve been going to the gym almost everyday for the last three weeks (Koko Fit Club, to be exact).   There’s a testimonials page on the Koko website, and I happened to read over the comments one lazy afternoon. And according to them, the results are nearly instant, of people talking about massive weight losses and size changes in a matter of several weeks. Inevitably, I’ve come to desire those same results, in the amount of time that some people claim to have had them. With a combo of both weights and cardio each time, I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job of keeping up with the workouts. But it is becoming a little disappointing  that I’ve yet to lose a pound and it’s still a struggle to button my pants. Why can’t I lose weight, I think to myself, as I pick up this month’s copy of “SELF” magazine with the headline “Burn 100 Calories in 10 Minutes.”

Then I thought a little more about why I might not have lost a single pound. Rather, I’ve gained a few more, to a point where I can’t fit into my pants. I thought more about what I’ve been eating, but the thing is, I’m probably doing a better job with food intake than in the last two months.  If so (on top of exercising regularly), why would I be gaining weight?

I’m afraid that there’s something wrong with me, physically speaking. Perhaps it might be because of the up in Abilify dosage, but I’ve been taking the drug itself for a while now and haven’t had this issue. I told my psychiatrist about the rapid weight gain (I’ve gained about 40 pounds over the last year, with twenty of them coming up within the last few months), and she gave me the forms to go get some blood tests, which I still need to schedule very, very soon. I am so scared. This is not a good time to hear that something other than my mental health could be what’s causing the weight gain. My next ECT is in a few days, and I just don’t feel like having to make other appointments to deal with this issue. But I know I have to, because soon the weight itself of having to look at myself at this weight is really going to put some pressure on me emotionally. And if there is something medically serious going on, I need to know as soon as possible.

I think I need to see a doctor that doesn’t deal with what’s going on in the head.


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