February 3, 2009
then something must be going right. This photo, taken by Annie Leibovitz, appears in the March 2009 issue of Vanity Fair. Notice Tom Daschle in the pic? Just when this issue hits the stands, Tom will not be heading the HHS, probably ever. Looking at this picture kind of got me to smile a bit. Perhaps it’s unkind of me to laugh at someone’s tax mistakes, but it really was a dumb, $100,000+ mistake. That smile also let me know that a little part of me is coming back to life. I also saw Gov. Charlie Crist’s interview (R-Fla.) on Countdown and found his comments about the stimulus bill fascinating. Yup. I think that’s a good sign, too.
Two more treatments to go this week. I get more nervous right before the anesthesia now, but I’ve only consented to 12, and I’m at #8.
January 15, 2009
I have been requested to be at my
first ECT Treatment
Monday, January 19, 2009
in the morning time TBD
five to twelve treatments following
make-up and nail polish are allowed
January 9, 2009
It sure took a while for me to pick a simple web-journal name that doesn’t sound so, well, depressing. I actually liked “the last option,” because that’s kind of what it is (Having trying 20+ different meds should count as having tried a lot of options). But I suppose the ECT is not just the last option but it could be the first time in a long time to actually feel alive, which by the way, I can’t really recall what it’s like to not want to die all the time.
So, I thought “a little spark” is appropriate in several ways, first of which is that it makes ECT sound kind of magical, rather than “you’re going to have a grand mal seizure and will experience some memory loss.” Second, a spark often starts something, like a sparkplug, or a spark that will give one a brilliant idea. It’s that little spark that I guess I need in order to get a new life, and my little spark that’ll give me that life is actually going to come by means of a little spark (or at least 6 to 12 of them) in my head. Sounds a bit cutesy, and I’m not sure I quite believe what I’m writing. But just because I don’t believe it doesn’t mean I don’t want to believe it.
Btw, after I picked my little journal name, I found that there is a quote by Dante with that phrase: “From a little spark bursts a mighty flame.” And though I write in this tone in my personal, paper-form journal, this exercise in writing on the web feels ridiculously self-indulgent.